"Nothing should be prized more highly than the value of each day."
Would you like a day filled with more joy and satisfaction... less stress and tension? If you sighed and thought about the impossibility of it all, you're not alone. Canadians are hungry for a sense of peace. It seems most people want to slow down we just don't know how.
Managing to maintain some joy in living and mastering life balance and satisfaction is possible. It's a skill. Getting through the day doesn't have to feel like a grind. Life happens one day at a time, one moment at a time and we can learn to reclaim our experience. There are habits, routines, rituals and practices and even ways of thinking and being that can profoundly shift our day to day experience. Adopting a few simple strategies can transform feelings of exhaustion and angst into a deep appreciation for the gift of life and the pleasures that are always available to us.
Decide to reclaim your time and life. Experiment with today. Try some of these out. Notice the difference.
We've all had moments that are crystallized in our minds forever. I had one such moment years ago. I was walking in the mall when I noticed a teenager wearing a black t-shirt walking up ahead in the crowd. I don't normally read the sayings on the backs of t-shirts, but on this occasion I did. It said, "Life isn't too short, it's just that we're dead for so long." I hadn't had any profound thoughts lately I thought that constituted one, so I followed him around for a while. I kept thinking... he's right. Most of us go through life half asleep. We put ourselves on cruise control. We just keep on going, barely paying attention, not questioning anything until ... When?!
Many Canadians have unconsciously traded off joy and satisfaction for achievement. What finally gets us off the treadmill is a deep understanding a realization of what life is surely about. A wake up call doesn't have to come in the form of a crisis. It can happen gradually as we decide to notice and get curious about the life we're living. Paying attention leads to living each day with a conscious intention to "show up" in ways that open our heart to what is fulfilling and deeply satisfying. Real balance is about feeling meaningful daily achievement and fulfillment.
Action Items:
Abandon the rat race mentality. Do not let productivity override purpose. Choose to work an 8-hour day and then to focus your energy in other areas. Face it, work can take all the time you have if you let it. Michael Eisner who will step down from Disney this year boasts of a bizarre achievement: that in 28 years of hard labour in the entertainment business, he only took one week off ever. What does clocking long hours really measure?
There is plenty of research to show that putting in more hours does not equal greater output. Henry Ford appalled his peers by moving production from a six-day week to a five-day week. The result? Increased output. Decreased costs.
The challenge in this is to get organized, establish your priorities and then to have a great deal of discipline. It requires new work habits that will help you stay focused on one thing at a time, using a To Do list effectively, scheduling each day for maximum productivity and adopting rituals that will help you leave work at work so that you're not "psychologically on call" 24 hours a day. This kind of discipline will leave you feeling rested, peaceful, healthy, engaged and enthusiastic about life
Action Items:
Decide that no matter what happens today you won't get all "whipped up" over nothing. After all life is really too short to spend your valuable energy cursing other drivers and wondering why other people are slow or incompetent. When you start to over-react choose to maintain your composure. Be graceful. Stop policing the universe. It's too big a job. Let another driver go ahead; allow someone to move ahead of you in line; walk slowly, breathe deeply and smile broadly. Pretend you're a Zen Master. People will wonder what you're so happy about.
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Believe it or not, we all have these! Today notice how often you are not in your body. Become aware of the times when you are having a conversation with someone, but you're thinking about that phone call, or the meeting you just came from. Avoid the "If I can just get through today" thoughts. Don't start the day trying to get it done. Savour each moment ... you may only have a few left! I mean who really knows? It's so easy to spend virtually the whole day planning, organizing, worrying or replaying the past and feeling guilty. Living like this makes it impossible to experience another's company, to enjoy a conversation or to feel true relaxation and appreciation. Take joy and pleasure off permanent layaway and decide to live fully in the moment. Notice the scenery, look into people's eyes, really listen to your colleagues and loved ones and actually taste your food.
Action Items:
One woman told me that she knows worrying is effective because everything she has ever worried about has never happened. That's nice reframing! As you live your day surrender to the limitations (those are the hassles you can't control) and let go of outcomes. Remember, you can put a lot of energy into things that are important and matter, but you can't control what happens. So stop trying. What a relief! Flowing with life is about trust. Trust yourself. Tell yourself that whatever happens you'll deal with it.
Action Items:
If you need to reclaim time, decide on some personal policies to protect personal time. For instance, decide to work over time only one night per week, or one Saturday per month, or to sit on one committee at a time. Pick something you need to put some boundaries around, and then tell your family or coworkers about your new personal policy. Maybe it's deciding not to answer the phone or door during dinner, or only volunteering your time for one cause at a time. You can teach your children this valuable skill too, by encouraging them to get involved in only one extra curricular activity at a time. Ask yourself if all this "doing" is really healthy? Is the "busyness" having the impact you want? Are you fulfilling your potential or exhausting it?
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The one thing the research makes clear is that peak performers and resilient people take time each day to remove themselves from the noise and the frenetic pace of life. They make time to get quiet, to reflect on their values and who they are and how they are living their life. Without this valuable time we stop feeling, and eventually we become a stranger to ourselves.
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At the end of it all, your life that is, the only thing that will matter are your relationships. Even at work people will remember what you were like to work with - not your business dealings. They will remember your smile, your laugh and how you made them feel.
Create special times with your family. Each day is an opportunity to create a memory. What memories did you create today? This afternoon do something spontaneous and heartfelt to remind your loved ones how much you care. Try practicing the kind of listening that we all need - explore, acknowledge and withhold judgment. Be deeply interested in understanding, not fixing their problem. This is how we provide real nourishing unconditional support.
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We often take our family for granted and believe they will understand and they will always be there. When we look back at the end of our life it will be the only thing that matters. How much love did we give? How much love did we receive? Everything else will be secondary to that. Aim to live each day as though you know this vital truth.
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As Mohammed Ali wisely said, "If your heart isn't great, you'll never be great" Live closer to your heart today. You'll be happy you did.
Living above the line is about Ownership, Accountability and Responsibility. Notice the initials spell OAR - an important tool if you want to be the captain of your own boat. Below the line is BED - Blame, Excuse and Denial. If you're below the line you're horizontal going nowhere in life. Perhaps it is a simplistic description but the concept is the most powerful belief you can adopt in your life. Many people regularly fall below the line. Get in the habit of just asking yourself, "Is this above the line or below the line?"
Building the support you need is about finding a partner who can actively support you in creating a high quality life. It is challenging to make a change in your life, having someone who has your best interest in mind and sees you for your unforeseen potential is an enormous boost and can increase your accountability significantly.
Research has shown that the company you work for has less impact on an employees ability to balance than who they work for. As a leader who aims to retain and support good employees there are a few ideas that matter a lot to the new workforce.
Be a Role Model
It doesn't matter what you say. If you don't practice balance in your own life, employees will not really believe that it's ok for them to take time away to balance their life. They will assume that those kinds of actions come with penalties.
Be Supportive and Flexible
Each employee has different needs depending on their stage of life, family situation, and unique challenges. Be willing to make exceptions, and be loose and flexible in coming up with creative solutions to balance problems. Policy manuals and rules applied unilaterally cause frustration and feelings of not being valued. You'll be rewarded with loyalty and engagement when you seek to understand and work together.
Have Real Conversations About What Matters
Make time to understand your employees and get to know what really matters to them. Listen deeply and acknowledge. Even if you can't do something your understanding and compassion means a lot.
For more information about customized training programs, keynotes, seminars or one on one coaching please contact Tammy.